Sadly, the world is awash in circumstances that engender sorrow, sympathy, empathy and several other pathies that the Clown is too lazy to look-up. Readers must agree, however, that the daily death tolls, heat waves, fires, European wars, flooding and Madison Cawthorne’s primary loss just overburden one’s ability to cope with sorrow, sympathy, et al.
One terribly sad recent event has only garnered third-page, business section news and is not getting the page one attention it deserves, shoved to the back of the news cycle like a RINO at a CPAC gathering. Shocking but true, cryptocurrency has cratered and it’s barely registering with the 99% of the humanity who don’t own any. Shameful!
Thousands, perhaps millions, of helpless victims across the globe have seen their entire retirement portfolios disappear into the ether. One wonders when the “Go Fund Me” do-gooders will push back on this dastardly injustice and begin collecting money for the unfortunate. Nearly overnight, crypto investors saw their dreams crash, their futures clouded by the prospect of continuing to live with four roommates (who also fell victim to this unforeseen and horrific event) or stay right where they’ve been since dropping out of community college, the parental basement.
One’s heart is broken for these sorry waifs, mostly young men, many of them Incels. Not only are they now forced to watch porn alone, desperately clutching a bottle of Corn Husker’s Lotion to complete their dreary social lives, they have to face the fact that cryptocurrency turned out to be made of the same ether that it disappeared into. Irony, moderate your vicious sting.
I know that many of my readers will want to contribute to the charity funds that will soon spring up to save these souls from long-term penury, additional social ostracism and inability to buy the next generation of virtual reality software. Oh, the humanity!
It’s very hard to understand how this could have happened. The praises of crypto and its assured ability to whisk one into the rarified air of the billionaire class, was all over the Internet, perhaps one of the world’s last remaining reliable sources of information. The chat room bros were full of stories of instant wealth, expensive cars, penthouses and babes. Lots and lots of babes. “If we can do it, so can everybody else”, they crowed. They championed Scrooge McDuck wealth vault rooms with diving boards for the world, or at least those with a computer and a firm grasp of block chain technology. So, maybe not e v e r y b o d y.
Shame on those readers who are experiencing no small amount of schadenfreude at these circumstances. It could have easily been you, had you been somewhat dumber, extremely gullible and greedy to “make money for nothin’ and get chicks for free”. Now these poor wretches are going to have install microwave ovens and move those color TVs. Well, at least there are plenty of those jobs available these days, some with benefits but not the kind that help with the whole Incel thing.
The Clown only wishes that these pitiful(s) had not lost everything because he has just learned the riches that can be made by recruiting others and they in turn recruit others and so on, to invest in the equipment and starter kits for “at home” worm farming and nutrient-rich worm casting sales. It’s not clear yet to whom one would sell worm poo, but you can bet that an Internet search will provide reliable information as to where to find that market, so there is virtually NO RISK!
Observoid of the Day: A fool and his crypto are parted at light speed.