It was with no small dollop of consternation that the Clown read a recent article, by Stephanie H. Murray in the Atlantic on-line magazine. Stephanie reports that nude beaches and other clothing-optional environments are seeing the number of visitors dwindle, especially among the younger cohorts. The Clown surmises that it is the naked young who are the primary draw for other cohorts to visit nude public venues in the first place. So, from a marketing perspective, the loss of young naked bathers would seem a dire situation for clothing-optional venues from Esalen in Big Sur, California to the black sands of Santorini, Greece.
The Clown is simply reporting on this trend as a keen observer of things involving nudity and salacious or prurient content, areas of expertise which are often overlooked by the MSM, especially the Christian Science Monitor, Anabaptist World and The Watchtower.
Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the story was the observation of Torben Larson, chairman of the Danish Naturalist (Nudist) Association. Torben notes that the only increase of public nudity was occurring among an older cohort, primarily males. This situation was reinforced by the comments of Mark Storey, staff writer and consulting editor of Nude and Natural magazine, a U.S. publication to which the Clown has just subscribed in order to do more in-depth research into the whole kit and caboodle, primarily the caboodle, of things nudity related. Mark notes that in the U.S., the growth of “naturalists” is driven by the older generations.
“Ninety five percent of our growth in nude bathers is among older males,” claims Mark.
The Clown can only respond, “95%?!!!”, thus using up an entire month’s worth of exclamation points.
Let’s reflect on the causes and impacts of these rather shocking circumstances.
First, why are younger people getting nekkid in public less frequently?
There are two prevailing theories. The first involves cell cameras, those with texting, e-mailing and even telephone capabilities attached. These cameras can make a nude bather a worldwide star in seconds. For some, influencers come to mind, such exposure could be a good thing. For Mennonite college girls from Kansas who think they are completely anonymous among hundreds on the beach on Ios, Greece, not so much. Therefore, just to be safe, fewer are shedding tops and bottoms even if the environment seems safe from prying eyes.
Another villain in this saga is Internet porn. Unlike earlier generations who got infrequent access to pictures of nekkid bodies from well-worn decks of playing cards from Mexico and later the airbrushed models from Hugh Hefner’s magazine from which the Clown only looked at the short stories and fashion tips, the Internet has far surpassed the distribution area of either purloined playing cards or girlie/literary magazines. Now, the access to airbrushed bodies tangled together in all manner of positions is everywhere. It’s also ubiquitous.
This theory suggests that the younger cohort has seen all it needs to see and would, frankly, just as soon not reveal that their actual nudeness cannot be airbrushed.
So much for the “why” of the trend. Let’s take a disturbing look at the outcome. This will not be pretty in either the literal or figurative sense.
The world’s clothing-optional spaces are quickly filling up with elderly bodies, particularly male bodies. Let that soak in a moment. As the Clown has observed in an earlier post, two words that should never appear in the same sentence are “naked” and “grandpa”. Males, who are notorious for thinking that their bodies are attractive and sexy, are mostly delusional. The Clown suggests a “sell by” date for male nudity is 40, give or take five years. All bets are off, regardless of age, if the body fat index is 25 or higher.
The sad fact of the decline of youthful naturalists is simple. Thousands of aging Boomers, Gen Xers and even some Millennials, particularly voyeuristic males, will find the anticipated visit to a nude beach similar to being in the locker room after a sweaty round of pickle ball at The Villages.
For those readers who are dreaming of an exotic get-a-way to a far-off eden where dewey-skinned and nekkid youths abound on the beach or in the pool for your viewing pleasure, gird your loins for nudity that features gravity-impacted loins, liver spots, various doohickies that probably should be looked at by a dermatologist, crepey skin, ear hair and flesh where it didn’t use to be. You have been warned as a public service.
Observoid of the Day: Safety Tip: If you can’t see your genitals while standing, your body fat index is over 25.